Eye burning sunlight shades of gray and tan

extremely weird night I have had all in my mind. Maybe this night started days ago diving into my past walking in damp caves of different lives I used to live. Pondering what if's and could have been's, playing out different outcomes that will never be. I often remember the past as something more. But, I play it cool allot colder then I have ever been able to play it my whole life. Set backs bring past failures up to the surface in bright eye burning sunlight shades of gray and tan. Whenever my lives dirty laundry used to come busting out I used to take me such a long while to pack it all back away. But some how now that I am older I am numb and life just does not hurt as much as it used to and the dirty laundry get put into boxes with ease. Maybe its just the time in my life kinda like knee deep mud filled with dirty shoes some where deep in the muck no one will every see again, but sometimes felt by chance and remembered as something that never really was.

I feel numb but no I can't see any explanation for it. Everything feels muted I can just make out the ideas of what I am hearing and seeing. Maybe its the lack of sleep.