night sky

Have you ever seen the night sky far away from the city? Its beautiful, better then normal. Something special happens with out the city lights you see more of what is always there. It darker then the night sky in the city but its brighter also. I would not say more exists there, I would say you with less you get more sometimes.

This says volumes to the life we all live. I implore you to find something you love and look at it with less of what ever is dimming its light. This is life we should give our selfs moments of clarity.

fun house mirror

I have a long way to go. I take it beyond reality and live with in the mind at times. No I do not really pay much mind to logic and temperance when it comes to social activity. I have no gray area things are white or black, Its much easier for me to see this way. So living this way creates some very interesting interactions with people and outcomes. These out comes bring internal consequence and here I sit thinking about stuff and I think the most childish thing I do is burn bridges. I know I need to grow but I don't want to. I live my life in a way that suit me and if its gets weird because of this, I might as well burn the bridge. With this said I am really thinking of burning a bridge I should have burned a years ago. A distance dream that has gotten twisted and no longer is a clear picture or a picture at all but a fun house mirror that distorts the image I see of my self. Its childish but necessary.

The smallest tears I have even known

All is quite and still. The moment feels as if the world understood that that instance. Like the bystanders at a funeral, quite, calm, they pay respect with a moment of silence and with out a movement. But passion not death is our scene, love not loss. Passion means pain, as if the weight of the love is killing the heart. Her back is facing me slow now I move my face in so that the closed windows to my soul may rest in the sanctuary of her aura. Uncontrollably, I have betrayer my self and with out my permission the inner self calls out softly.

NO, I hear called out from with in, it is the voice of my inner child and fear takes over my existence. She stirs, my eye grip closed and I mimic a stone. Its passed the world is calm again. With a sigh I am back to enjoy my pain.

Then as if my soul and her soul with in a moment had a conversation to explain my feelings. She turns to me holds me close,face to face. She lets out a sigh that I can see. Its the story of our lives all in a breath. My heart calls out like the soring notes of a sad song. Stop, and at the same time begging my heart expressed never stop. Once again my eyes clinch as if to help balance my reality, with out success.

I open my eye with the smallest tears I have even known. Gone, its all gone. Gone, gone the golden morning sun. Gone, gone is the warmth of my souls sanctuary. Alone now, I find my self abandoned, with only the memory and hope of a dream.

I miss China

I miss China so much! Back when I went for my visit. My life was very different. What I miss is the comradery which I feel we lack greatly in USA. Maybe "comradery" does not quite fit right, but some how it feels right. I miss that connection you feel just being there. We just do not have it in the USA or maybe because I have been traveling and have not settled going on a whole year. Two years since I left my closest friends back in Connecticut. Traveling these last couple of years has been great. I have had the opportunity to meet allot of great new people. But this last year I can't say I have made a new friend or hung out with a friend. Lately I have been thinking allot of Beijing and the great time I had. I miss the friends I made which I kinda guess I have lost with the passing of time. But thats how life work and rings especially true to the traveler. But somehow the soup I call life I can see the taste beginning to be recognizable. I will go back and experience it all again different then before but good in a new way.

This whole thing about relationships is starting take its tole. And I hate the fact that I'm starting to be understanding. With the end of a human connection I no longer get angry or upset I deal with it rationally. What does that mean? I know the answer but don't want to say it aloud.

This was the beginning of a story but this is a true statement.

I was so cold standing there in front of the ocean gazing into the power and grace of nature. Frozen then blind to any possibility but the moment I was experiencing.

old emails and no vegetable oil

I was looking for something else on an email and I found a email from years ago from a friend I no longer talk to but we are kinda friends on facebook. She is married and ehhh friends with a married woman is not really cool or girl in a relationship as a matter of fact. So I was reading over the email and noticing dam my English was horrible back then. Yes I am no English teacher now but wow. I am glad I have worked on it and notice I have improved greatly.

I have given up carbs for lent. It has been a very difficult first couple of days. I got sick and tired and feverish. Then its gotten easy and tell you the truth I think this is my new way of life. Limit my carbs and no vegetable oil.

Now that I look back at the old ways of my youth. Looking back I feel foolish but I guess thats how I learn the hard way, hitting every branch on the way down. I fear to look at my myspace blog oh the shame. Now that I am older I still find my self still finding new trees to fall out of but I am smarter now. This makes me happy to not be in that boat with no pattle.

The Prince of Egypt Soundtrack - "Through Heaven's Eyes"

I just finished watching The Prince of Egypt by dream works. One song really stood out to me this time around. Thinking about this made me wonder why as I sat there tears welling in my eyes because of this song I never thought about much before. It could be because finally I see a little how maybe the things we work on in our life that never brings financial gain can be the most meaningful. Or a bit passing kindness at the right moment could be saving someone from the straw the broke the camels back. Makes me want to do more in my life that can not been seen as right in the worlds eyes but right in through heavens eyes.