The lies I tell my self for all of you to read

So you readers must know by now I have a pension for the melodramatic. Well here is you warning, and there it went. So once again life has tossed me a curve ball, no I think its wrong to blame life this time. I blame my self for this one mostly. So I after years of no real possibility of a romantic relationship for years, its true I have taken long shots that were destined for disaster. this time it was not perfect but it was looking pretty good. But we are not here to talk complications or others opinions or decisions I don't feel like contemplating the unknown right now. I want to speak about the known, that is I had a shot and a blew it. So my self destructive nature got the better of me again. But I think this whole idea of messing up a chance at romance never really existed because I was kidding my self.