How did I get here?

My emotional state right now seems to be like a drop of dew on the edge of a razor blade, extremely unpredictable. Not sure if any direction would produce a outcome worth exploring. But here is not where I want to be so staying is out of the question. Today in a conversation with my friend Joel I asked him, "How did I get here?". That single question is the statement of the year. How did I get here? Something I think the world and everyone in it needs to ask it self. How did I get here? Where along the path in life or time did I place my right or left foot just an inch in that same direction to the left or the right? Or was it the right or left. Little things like that change the final destination by miles and miles. Years ago my direction was very different. I was on a plateau in China asking my self what I will do next. Back then I was in my late mid twenties full of excitement, energy, wonder, and full of purpose. I asked my self Should I stay in this country and see where the next Peak takes me or should I go back to the land of my birth and leave this adventure for another time, another age. I knew what was right for me and my lack of experience and knowledge was to study. I planed on studying so that one day I could return to really help people. But here I am now years later struggling to see the top of a peak that is miles away from that goal and wondering. How did I get here? Of course I took this path because I know at the top of this mountain there will be a bridge to where I want to be. But here in this valley its dark, and here in this valley are the hunting grounds of predictors. I don't enjoy being this exposed, I feel a primal fear I don't quite understand. Do I run and hide, (fact) bears run faster up hill then they do down hill. And also of course this is not my first time in a valley but not since my childhood have I been in one. Now as a man it hard to shake this feeling and be brave. This valley and this statue inducing state only brings me back to the beginning, and that same question. How did I get here?