Two sentences

I feel like putting some of this stuff down, but I fear is not very interesting or profound at all. Wow that sentence came out really vain.

A very low lever of stress

Facebook just changed some interface today and so did blogger. Maybe its nothing to you but, then again maybe you do not have a hard time dealing with change. Changes to these programs often give me a very low level of stress. I find this amusing.

The lies I tell my self for all of you to read

So you readers must know by now I have a pension for the melodramatic. Well here is you warning, and there it went. So once again life has tossed me a curve ball, no I think its wrong to blame life this time. I blame my self for this one mostly. So I after years of no real possibility of a romantic relationship for years, its true I have taken long shots that were destined for disaster. this time it was not perfect but it was looking pretty good. But we are not here to talk complications or others opinions or decisions I don't feel like contemplating the unknown right now. I want to speak about the known, that is I had a shot and a blew it. So my self destructive nature got the better of me again. But I think this whole idea of messing up a chance at romance never really existed because I was kidding my self.

I miss friends that get me with out having to explain

Today I went to a local burger place. It felt weird it was somewhat a locals only place with all types of names for food that you would know if you lived in my hometown. I found my self telling the lady I was born here as she asked to see my ID with my card and after questioned the origin of my Connecticut ID. This is very amusing for all toughs that know me well, understand I hate the fact that I was born here.

But this whole thing makes me think. Why did I feel the need to let her know I was from this shit town? So I thought a while, then I thought a while longer. Till I think I could find no other reason but I want to belong. I think we all do sometimes. I miss my friends. What to do about this.

I called some of my buddies from the land where I got my ID. And I was talking about this some recent life events with me. And she said "Ohh great another friend HA, Ohh great another friend(sarcastic overtones)". Its great when you know someone is gonna get you with out even having to explain, or even at times try to lie and make things feel better.

So this blog was going to be about the sun. But I deleted all that and wrote this random. But I'll just say I got a tan now.

This road is closed for repair

I have much to much to do, and no mind for thought or focus at the moment. Last night I tried to sabotage my self, again. On my path of destruction which is most commonly a one way street with no others on rout to the destination I found a road block. Someone finally stood in my way telling me this road is closed for repair. I so needed this, I woke up. I really needed to hear it. Fixing the road I walk is something I have needed to do for a long time. No longer should I walk the path destruction, no now I will walk the path to success.

An apex moment for me. The plot has changed and so has the mood. A new writer has written a little in my script I live and its what the story has needed all along.


Circles look best when round and drawn carefully, and the lines have only been visited once.

the night sky torments me

I think I was born in the wrong time, or maybe its the wrong planet. Recently I have spent some time staring at the stars. Night time used to bring allot of peace to me, now the night sky torments me. I am alone, all alone. Maybe I am feeling self destructive or extreme self loathing.

a draft of a blog I never finished about sleeping.

I might as well write a little sleep seems escape me and the mind is restless.


I am to dream, a dream of a life very different from the one I live. Its a good story.