The lies I tell my self for all of you to read

So you readers must know by now I have a pension for the melodramatic. Well here is you warning, and there it went. So once again life has tossed me a curve ball, no I think its wrong to blame life this time. I blame my self for this one mostly. So I after years of no real possibility of a romantic relationship for years, its true I have taken long shots that were destined for disaster. this time it was not perfect but it was looking pretty good. But we are not here to talk complications or others opinions or decisions I don't feel like contemplating the unknown right now. I want to speak about the known, that is I had a shot and a blew it. So my self destructive nature got the better of me again. But I think this whole idea of messing up a chance at romance never really existed because I was kidding my self.

I miss friends that get me with out having to explain

Today I went to a local burger place. It felt weird it was somewhat a locals only place with all types of names for food that you would know if you lived in my hometown. I found my self telling the lady I was born here as she asked to see my ID with my card and after questioned the origin of my Connecticut ID. This is very amusing for all toughs that know me well, understand I hate the fact that I was born here.

But this whole thing makes me think. Why did I feel the need to let her know I was from this shit town? So I thought a while, then I thought a while longer. Till I think I could find no other reason but I want to belong. I think we all do sometimes. I miss my friends. What to do about this.

I called some of my buddies from the land where I got my ID. And I was talking about this some recent life events with me. And she said "Ohh great another friend HA, Ohh great another friend(sarcastic overtones)". Its great when you know someone is gonna get you with out even having to explain, or even at times try to lie and make things feel better.

So this blog was going to be about the sun. But I deleted all that and wrote this random. But I'll just say I got a tan now.