a cheetah up in a tree

I used to love to climb trees as a kid. I would climb them and find a nice branch for a nap. Its funny I saw a cheetah on a documentary and I would day dream there that I was a cheetah basking in the afternoon sun the the desert. I never really went to sleep but I it was a fun game. So innocent life was climb the tree close my eyes and I was some where else. The time spent in the trees made me a dreamer.


I had a dream once back then sitting in that tree I prayed to God for my wife where ever she was that she was safe and happy for our unborn kids that might climb trees them selfs one day. I had a dream so real it was like I traveled to the future. I saw her my wife and I was so in love.

I thought I finally found her. But I was wrong, so wrong. I let my self dream of a future. I was a child again in the tree dreaming of far off lands it was simple. But grown up life never is that simple. In fact it has been my experience the hard way is the path I have been written.

I tell her I love you. she tells me I cant wait to introduce you to my new boyfriend. I am a fool.....

Next Year is only 20 hours away. I expect to see new doors.


NO fuck that I am no fool. I am tested and have been placed in the fire like silver I am refined. This is just another log to add to the fire. Come on life you wanna dance I might loose but your coming out of this one with some damage. a wild animal is most dangerous when its cornered and my backs against the wall.

im mad

im pale yes as close as your ever going to get to a vampire in real life. my eye hurt in in the sun. i can smell blood in the air. and yet you don't understand. I can't help yes i can see in the dark and all the think you think is special but i cant cure cancer and what the fuck and i do nothing nothing at all. I prayed to God and he listened as always but i don't understand as always. And then again i feel like a big pile of shit . sitting there ready fire a fine when the owner could have picked me up in a bag but not one will. but I am upset fire fire burns into my eyes. what out the world will burst. fuck you if you dont understand. im mad.

string flush.

months ago maybe three i tired a dark purple string around my left ankle. kinda something i do every couple of years tie string around my wrist. well it fell off right before i was gonna go take a shower. maybe it is telling me something kinda like a moment of moving on or time to leave the past and look to the future. who knows but at that moment i was thinking about the past and junk that was like gone but still contemplated. and i decided to use it like a symbol of transition and i flushed it down the toilet.

One crazy thing is when i looked at my ankle it had like bruises where the string was. maybe thats another sign that i gotta charge forward. now that the string is gone so to goes the feelings hard to put into words but give negative effect to my life. the sun is rising. Life is good.

in such a way.

Each one of us was made in such a way. Such a way to contribute to this world in different ways. In turn we are meant to connect with people at a times in our lives and at others disconnect. Life so precious, but I never seem to realize that till its been cut short or might be ending soon. I just don't know, its all murky water I'm trying to swim in.

To me it seems as if I have found my self in deep water. But I must remain positive and happy. I have succumb to my vampire tendencies again. I must learn to run again figuratively speaking. I have to remember who I once was.