a cheetah up in a tree

I used to love to climb trees as a kid. I would climb them and find a nice branch for a nap. Its funny I saw a cheetah on a documentary and I would day dream there that I was a cheetah basking in the afternoon sun the the desert. I never really went to sleep but I it was a fun game. So innocent life was climb the tree close my eyes and I was some where else. The time spent in the trees made me a dreamer.


I had a dream once back then sitting in that tree I prayed to God for my wife where ever she was that she was safe and happy for our unborn kids that might climb trees them selfs one day. I had a dream so real it was like I traveled to the future. I saw her my wife and I was so in love.

I thought I finally found her. But I was wrong, so wrong. I let my self dream of a future. I was a child again in the tree dreaming of far off lands it was simple. But grown up life never is that simple. In fact it has been my experience the hard way is the path I have been written.

I tell her I love you. she tells me I cant wait to introduce you to my new boyfriend. I am a fool.....

Next Year is only 20 hours away. I expect to see new doors.


NO fuck that I am no fool. I am tested and have been placed in the fire like silver I am refined. This is just another log to add to the fire. Come on life you wanna dance I might loose but your coming out of this one with some damage. a wild animal is most dangerous when its cornered and my backs against the wall.

im mad

im pale yes as close as your ever going to get to a vampire in real life. my eye hurt in in the sun. i can smell blood in the air. and yet you don't understand. I can't help yes i can see in the dark and all the think you think is special but i cant cure cancer and what the fuck and i do nothing nothing at all. I prayed to God and he listened as always but i don't understand as always. And then again i feel like a big pile of shit . sitting there ready fire a fine when the owner could have picked me up in a bag but not one will. but I am upset fire fire burns into my eyes. what out the world will burst. fuck you if you dont understand. im mad.

string flush.

months ago maybe three i tired a dark purple string around my left ankle. kinda something i do every couple of years tie string around my wrist. well it fell off right before i was gonna go take a shower. maybe it is telling me something kinda like a moment of moving on or time to leave the past and look to the future. who knows but at that moment i was thinking about the past and junk that was like gone but still contemplated. and i decided to use it like a symbol of transition and i flushed it down the toilet.

One crazy thing is when i looked at my ankle it had like bruises where the string was. maybe thats another sign that i gotta charge forward. now that the string is gone so to goes the feelings hard to put into words but give negative effect to my life. the sun is rising. Life is good.

in such a way.

Each one of us was made in such a way. Such a way to contribute to this world in different ways. In turn we are meant to connect with people at a times in our lives and at others disconnect. Life so precious, but I never seem to realize that till its been cut short or might be ending soon. I just don't know, its all murky water I'm trying to swim in.

To me it seems as if I have found my self in deep water. But I must remain positive and happy. I have succumb to my vampire tendencies again. I must learn to run again figuratively speaking. I have to remember who I once was.

aa tayar hoja

sunidhi chauhan - aa tayar hoja

This is from movie asoka one of my all time favorite Bollywood movies and the best Music video from that movie. So I like to dance mostly by my self. For a while i used to mix Indian dances into my techno dancing lol pretty fun. A long time ago I used to date this one girl who kinda danced like this girl. She once showed me some dances where she was from. She was from the Caribbean and danced well. Funny how you end up thinking about the past. This song brings me back and some how pulls on my heart strings. This is from a time when I first moved out on my own. Funny.

How I start my work

I enjoy drawing figure drawings from my head. When I was a kid I wanted to be a comic book artist. I often start my figures with a loose wild looking sketch that give shape and mood of the feeling. It is also important to visualize the sketch you are drawing as a story. It helps to make the person more real. the following sketch is of a action woman who is tough but at the same time still a woman. kinda like a lady ninja of sorts. This figure is not in proper human proportion i have lied about some things to make them have a higher impact.

I hope soon to make a couple of lessons on drawing the fashion design figure. I find it to be a fun figure to draw.

I hope this helps Jessica ~

no idea what im doing lol

here is a image of the project im working on for my class. i think im starting to understand it lol.

sorry about the sketch quality guys i know they are crap! u___u ....... this is what happens when im confused. lol

Working out!

In shape! ok I have decided I have a goal to get into shape again. But this time better then ever. My goal is six pack and the whole deal. I am going to take before pictures to start this thing off. lol I don't know if i will post them maybe later on.

hi

hi just finished watched Angel-A ohh wow i love this movie. so beautiful. its black and white and so heart warming.

i helped a little.

ohh wow i googled my self just now to see what other people will see. and i found something i didnt know. lol I tried crowdsourcng like in the winter of 2009 and i am part of a product lol. i helped .02% lol. i cant even remember what idea i had. lol. pretty funny.


http://www.quirky.com/users/5927

ohh my... what a bad idea.

hehehe drunkin blogging is a bad idea! :D its to late now to delete it the post.... ^_^

wine, sad music, and nostalgia.......

my heart is heavy. and each day i write something here. maybe because no one see this place. and i am really only writing so one day i can come back and show someone where i was at a moment in time. kinda like a picture of me but not in a visual way but a written way. well reader my heart is heavy. .... heavy. its that moment where every option directs you into a new path and every path is a chain reaction to that idea that causes chain reactions to all other thought. and in a moment it causes like an explosion of chances. lol in a messed up way thats my ideas behind quantum physics.

... well some of them.

and then there is sad ness. once a long time ago i wrote a story about a girl named ocean. she stole my heart as if she was real. Maybe she is why i am alone. she understands me deep down in side she knows the life i have had to live to be the person i am now. she is.... just that she is. her .

aaa wine, sad music, and nostalgia.......

imperfection is beautiful.

is it to much to ask to meet a great girl with miss match eyes. :D

yellow eyes.

I have been thinking about a dream i had a couple of years ago. I saw my self face to face. the dream me knew i was there and knew i was transparent. he looked up at me right in my face and i looked right into his face. I was so calm as if i in my dream as i looked up as if the dream was a memory and a dream at the same time to me. weird one weird thing is in the dream i have yellow eyes with red around the edge. it was weird.

One weird thing is i think its going to happen. I wonder how i get eyes like that?

villa thought

Here is a school project i had to crush. i was so behind. but we had to keep the outside of an rundown villa and redo the interior. its a 60 foot cube. I am just happy i finished it in time. i was behind big time because of my buddy daves wedding and moving my old stuff from ct. I was happy about being back in ct but wow i had to do 8 weeks of work in 11 days. makes me sad to think its over weird. is it possible to give you self stockholm syndrome? lol

crappola on the brain

i have so much work to be done by 3 am tonight its crazy. but randomly stupid ass shit keeps coming into my mind. dam it. i need a flush lever on my brain. kinda irritated.

my beautiful siren

girl she dances with a smile on her face. and kind eyes the song can be on blast and this whole world can be in a moment of explotion but when i look into her eyes its all in slow motion. she sways her head back and forth calm and sweet. she looks at me with the eyes of innocence. she does not know it but her soft gentile movements as we dance are violent. under it all she is wielding a sledgehammer and battering the outer wall of my soul i have place up for protection. with rhythmic smiles and soft graceful power she rips apart my cage. each soft movement similar to that of a young tree in the wind. the crack of her smile, the way her hair moves the fact that she locks eyes with me as we dance. my defenses to this world are crumbling and she seems to have the key. in her movements i hear the siren song willing me to come close. the funny thing is i see the rocks and i willingly approach. i cant help it shes my beautiful siren, her smile so sweet it's sinister.

its ok im not heart broken and we are still friends. its just when i listen to this song i can see her dancing with me. brings me back.

just a little crazy, crazy.... crazy :D

I would like to take a moment and talk about little ticks. You know the little things you do every once in a while or very often depending on your level. Well I am some what happy to say that I have had a couple in my life and been able to stop my self from doing them. Its funny how one single little thing that happens to comfort you at one sec of your life can then just become weird. I strive for a high level of creativity and that comes at a price.

hmmm i guess this is all for now. if you ever find your self thinking your crazy. rest easy you will not know your going crazy if you really are! later friend.

i leave you with a video and picture i drew a while ago.

grey's anatomy

Grey's Anatomy yes I recently started to watch it. I am willing to deal with the repercussions of people knowing this. I don't know its pretty good writing and it makes you really love the charicters yes at times they have one track stupid line mind. its tv but people are like this, I'm like this. i end up saying the same thing more then once if its on my mind. lol

Well I guess what im saying is that i relate in a way.

hmmm what else i was thinking about trying to get a huge amount of twitter people and try some experiments. well this is all thats on my mind as of late. later friends.

smile

at the corner of my mouth at this moment at this time right now. there's a small crack to the north. it effects the right side of my face. my eye gets a little squinty and my eyebrow has lost its mind decided it should move north for a while. its a smile. because im happy.

that is all.


smile.

ello!

so so so, how are you my friend.. how do you do. i ask you this as i take off my hate and give you a very big smile. it been to long. hows life???

good.... good. lol

i am in florida now. yes its very random even for me. not that i didnt see this coming i guess its been years in the making. i very much need to learn to love where i am and not the next place i might go. In the end san fran was pretty nice i wonder if i will ever go back there. im sure i will.

so i have to admit i put Google analytics on my page so i can see where in the world people who read my page are from. and i have not really checked in a month, and recently i looked. there was some in japan, i thought about it who could it be. I used to know allot of people in undergrad from japan. so i guess seeing that kind of had me thinking. i wonder how these people are doing i hope well. so if you find this page and you know me say ello!

needy, i hate it. but right now i find my self being a little needy. you see im moving again! this this time to florida. i dont know how long i will be there we will see. but today i met a new person she seemed really interesting and i ended up being all needy. i just need to start moving. things are always better on an adventure. :D

lazers

right now im on the computer getting my glass pieces done for the model of my first building i designed. i wonder how this thing is gonna turn out. it makes me wonder years from now thinking back when im a real architect about this first building what will i think of it. i can just imagine if i am working an a sky scraper and standing on the top floor looking back at how stessed this lazer cut made me. lol kinda reminds me when i learned to type with not looking at the key board. it just seemed like one day i could do it.

funny i never thought i would in my life link lazers typing and skyscrappers together. weird how life works. u_u .... almost time to rest. just about 4 more days...

I am clear.

i need a moment........



i may not be looking directly at you but i can see you.

clear is the color i want. not gray nor black not even red today. clear.
If i was clear. im sure you could really enjoy the view. free to do your day to day. if i was clear i would not cast a shadow. no heart and no brain my perspective does not matter. the viewers eyes are all that really exists. i see from time to time your gaze hits mine and i know you see me. but not me not me at all just the space i take up at the time. is it to much. did i forget my costume? clear. i want it, im tired of it all i want it all to just be clear. inside and out clear. i feel bad i cant be clear, for you. if i could i would but i take up space. because i exist. I......

this was me. it happened time and time again. I disappear right there. clear for clear sake.hidden from nothing and no one but hiding in side. and time and time again i turn into a mucky mist. hidden in public. but you don't get it! i see better then you do.

i may not be looking right at you but i can see you.

and you know i have spent years seeing you and others like you. and you ask me to be clear why not you for a change. be clear for me and i will smile. this time you get out of your skin and be clear. take up that space in the masses. hide right out in public. be clear for me.

ya madness i know........ thanks for the moment... i needed that.

"So there i was" and my building

Im listening to this tune by deadmou5 called "So there i was". Its a great tune if you enjoy deep deep trance. At the same time im designing this building for class my first project as an architect (student) it really transplanted me into the site and building. so i guess i just wanted to write down my thoughts. this is my - so there i was.

so there i am in the park across the street. paler then normal. the sun is setting. i feel at ease in the dark. I am dressed in all black from head to toe. I am wearing a cape over one shoulder in the style of the Renaissance. I dont have a date or friends to meet. I am anonymous not a single soul in this city knows me. Its very sad but at the same time freeing. I can be who and what i want at all times. from the park i see a grand entrance to a world stopped in time. It seems to invite me and bring fear to my heart. I imagine harpies calling to sailors to thrash them self's over rocks.

Over the past couple of weeks i have been working my self up to deal with the world. I have lost my humanity. I know for a fact i am human but in my mind i have left reality behind. Some how this place seems to bring me back. I am, I. And I am only one of a river of people living in this city. I need to get out of my head and speak. but who would listen to my words and not just hear the sounds im making. People just wait for there turn to talk. but inside when i look at people they listen and understand with out needing words. I know i am on the brink of insanity but if i know there for i am far from it. I smile and laugh out loud at the thought. and the on lookers just raise eyebrows and look away. Oh the world if you only knew me.

With a sigh i shake these thoughts off. and walk into this new space. The building just weaves in and out of its self a mix of structure and necessity. I would speak aloud to this man, for sure he knows how i feel alone and distant. my ticket says balcony 3 alcove one. i picked this spot on per pus i want to be alone but part of something greater. I want to feel the music and be free to express my emotions in public with out the eyes of others to judge me. like a cave i am sitting in floating world of my own for a time.

the lights of the floor go off and a single women comes out. she begins and i am free and connected with every one in this room. right now we are we and i am not one but part of many, and i am happy. at least for a moment i understand.

animal visualization

so to boost my self up i have been thinking of things to tell my self. i know, most people will be like dam i would never tell people that stuff. well im not you and you will never be me. :D so these days "I AM A LION!" "I AM THE PHOENIX" so far i picked these two because they are bad boy yardys.

but you know me i will always be the dunpeal hunter!

i really love this song.

no you dont get it i really really like this song!











now go have a great weekend! OR ELSE!

Today I picked a mascot for my self. Or maybe it picked me. You see life has been trying to get me these past couple of weeks and I have been trying my best to be possitive. Looking at the brighter side even if its pitch black. At times I guess in a way I have been looking at the sun in my mind. Maybe its all my own fault I have played it wrong these last couple of months maybe not being true to my self. Or has it been that I have changed and I no longer know what being true to thy self is any more.

Lets get back to the facts and not the unknown. Fact lately I have been feeling less then valued by people. Fact the person I see in the mirror is not the person I see in my minds eye. I think im handsome but I'm going into one of them times where its seems as if i might be single for the rest of my life. Normally i wouldn't think so much about it but im not 18 I'm 28. I also lost a friend. i ended up looking creepy because I am to try to just give it a solid try on a girl. and im pretty much good friendless here in the west. and on top of it all i found out i am moving to florida. so all that just got to me.

My world is on fire in the end i fear nothing will be there but ashes. Maybe I'm being dramatic but relationships are important. So this thought got me thinking. And an appiffony dawned on me. the phoenix.... thats it at the end of its life the phoenix burns and out of the ashes comes a new baby phoenix . it has its whole life ahead of him.

So with that in mind The Phoenix is my mascot. in the end i will come out anew and with all possibilities a head of me. next post i hope is a drawing of a phoenix. u_u catch you later buddies.

sfmoma sketches for class. and two randoms i like

You guys know I'm working on my masters of architecture. each week we have to go around down town San Fran and sketch famous buildings this week its SFMOMA. the art inside is bla not so great ny moma is so much better. :( i miss new yorks museums! but the build is pretty cool now that i have sketched it.





























the next two are just one from the train one night. that girl in the hood was sitting in front of me so i took a sneeky sketch. she was not dressed like that but she i did get that look from her. interesting looks always interest me. and the other is a random sketch from class. of a girl out of my head. have i told you i love wind swept hair hehe.

i was thinking about posting up some art just so this does not become a rant fest of a blog no one wants to read. lol not that i have more then three people who even know about this thing. but i just want to change it up. so here are some drawings and other randoms for your views.








this guy to the right is my first try at digital painting. and to my surprise still the best i have done so far lol. beginners luck i guess.

I drew this one a couple of years ago. I used to day dream back when i used to played golf of a sweet elf girl. lol man am i a nerd! but im a proud nerd :D well friends ill post more later. take it easy.

even as im older the grass in my yard still sucks. thats gotta change.

recently i have been thinking about relationships allot. This topic is not a huge surprise i have been single for like 4 years now. I admit I'm alone and lonely. Here I sit surrounded by family but i feel alone. I am 28 now and recently i started Grad school and moved across the country. some how i got pushed away from people. and after much deliberation among my mental faculty i think i might be the problem.

I dont smile very much. and maybe i look at people with a look in indifferent contempt. friends im sure you dont see this look. I have never seen it but my mom said she sees it when i dont pay attention. moms know best lol she said i give a look to tell people leave me alone i dont have time for you. and you know the look i think in my head it is more like waiting for people to come to me. or longing for friendship maybe missing my old friends back in ct or just thinking. or maybe its a mental grab at the familiar. funny im so winey today i have a pretty great life allot of people would love.

I have my health first and foremost. which alone should make any man or woman on earth the happiest person in the OR. But we dont think about that type of thing. Im a gypsy and its in my blood. i lived in the same place for years but my blood got the better of me and i started the life of a vagabond. I should have known that my life is not stable and safe. that would kill me. and I have always liked vampires and that sort of night people. now i really find my self with out color and really looking like one. sometimes i dont see the sun for days at a time the sun burns my eyes and skin. the other day i was in the sun for 10 mins and my body felt all numb lol weird. but the weird part is i miss it. even if from viewed from a window its still is nice. i really really need to learn to love the grass on this side of the fence.

Maybe thats life learning to love what you have and not care about what you dont. and to get a tan. well i dont think i have a choice. im moving to the land of tans. where is my 99 spf?

the sun and I are not friends and never will be

today, today was just one of them days that was planed out to the T.... Capital T. it was planned to be smooth as velvet, with a bouquet of smiles and good times with the back drop of a sunny day. but to say the least, the day was not like that at all. the sunny day was there but it was not the smile in the sky you drew as a child on the right or left hand corner of your picture. it was a searing hot sun of the desert that beats you down. the sun that does not give life but takes it with reckless abandon. being a vampire I should stop the cycle of madness where think I belong in the sun. I should know that the sun and iI are not friends and never will be.

the day.....

i ended up running out of gas. so as i type the car i was driving is out parked in down town SF. there is a big part of why today was shitty but im just gonna leave it out. i am try my best to just forget about that part. lets just say i looked pretty weird and creepy because i was trying to be nice. ehhh its my fault for being me. but its just the way im made.

no worries here i sit drinking large cups of coffee sitting back in the shade of a dark room. i have placed a crown no one can see on my head and the blank stare contempt in my eyes. i am Caesar.... for now.

but soon, the sun will set, the gas in the car will be filled and my pride will heal. i will trade the crown of gold for one of thorns and place kindness back in my eyes. I will take my place at the end of the table and not the head of the table and wait to be moved.

i am not made of glass, i will not break, do not handle with care!

hey hey hey. this means you. :D well here i am writing up me blog. today was a pretty good day i met some new people at school today. easy going nice people. i gotta tell ya guys its been very hard for me here in California i really dont understand people. recently i have really realized im truly an east coast guy. or maybe not so much a east coast guy just a nice guy. Nice guys i gotta tell ya, you thought you got shit on in the east. dam the fake ness just super powers each freakin punch. but no worries im not made of glass. im the dunpeal hunter babies. gotta roll with them. :D

lol random side track excuse me for a sec just lemme play me guitar! lol i think thats my favorite part of that song. but what song? hmmm

you tell me no... i say yes
you say cant... i say will
you say impossible... i say nothing is

i am being forge in the fire please bring logs and bring them often! :D

hi hi

hey every one here i am. funny Im a grad student now ohh man so much work but i figured i wanted to start blogging again and blogging on myspace is kinda no fun. so im gonna start filling my thoughts on here. well see ya later buddies.