A change that has not come to happen yet.

Somethings feels different about this moment. Something feels drastically different then the moment past. I have not seen it with my eyes, felt it with my skin, or heard it with my ears yet but I feel it some where IN my soul. I don't like the feeling, but its an all to familiar feeling. Makes me remissness back, back into memories of my past. In my mind I am digging in old boxes that hold stuff I seldom look at. Some memories for today and some that have been regretted to this day. But regrets of the past the one in my mind are for a different time, lets get back to the thought at hand. I remember the first time I felt this. I was in the middle of fifth grade and I was changing schools. I remember riding the bus and loosing a hopeless battle to keep my tears from materializing in my eyes. The feeling traveled from the area in and around my heart up to my neck and made ball in the back of my throat. I tried to swallow but the ball stayed. Moments later that feeling was at my eyes and the tears began and I squeezed my hands but it did not help. I knew my life had changed and it could not go back. When I left this place I could never come back to this life the way it was when I was here at this moment in time. So I cried bitter tears, because I knew something had died. Now that feeling almost never gets to my eyes it just sits in my soul and travels up to become a ball in the back of my throat. I know I'm moving and I am super happy about it. But some how even if I hated most of the year I was here in the place of my birth my soul is ringing sad vibrations that are reaching my throat and I feel a ball forming.